Pink Birthday Cake

Cathy runs away from her home.
Cathy cut her sixteenth birthday cake last Tuesday. It was a strawberry shortcake with pink icing on top. Her mom ordered it from the local bakery down the street, and her sister decorated it with fresh fruit and mint leaves.
After the guests had finished their mashed potatoes and steaks, Cathy closed her eyes and made a wish.

A full moon hangs, pale yellow light spilling over steel pipes next to the stream.
Cathy lies on an old blue blanket she found in a parking lot, watching the stars in the sky. She recognizes the particularly bright, spoon-shaped cluster of seven stars as the Big Dipper aiming north. Her dad taught her how to find it during a family camping trip when she was eight. The blanket is frayed, with loose threads sticking out, and a hole just big enough for a finger on one corner. Cathy slips her finger through the hole, playing with the yarn.

Cathy runs away with Nathan.
They read a comic about running away in the summer. “It will be cool”, Nathan says. They have taken almost nothing when they leave except a dark green backpack. Cathy unpacks their few belongings, laying them out on her knees: a few pennies, two long-sleeved shirts, her grandpa’s watch, a photo of her and her sister from the family camping trip, a soap,
and a full bar of Belgian milk chocolate. She is addicted to sweetness.

They find a tent among the junk- a lovely blue one, used but in decent condition, just big enough for two people to lie down. Inside the tent, their bodies pressed together, feet facing the entrance, heads at the opposite end. Cathy can barely turn over, she is laughing at Nathan’s green and red Christmas stockings, full of holes in the big toes.
At midnight, they go swimming in the stream. Water plants and smooth pebbles brush against their feet. Nathan’s muscles are barely visible under the dim moonlight. They have been dating for three months.
Cathy feels a small fish glide past her chest. She dives into the water, but the fish is nowhere to be seen.
“All of this is so romantic, isn’t it? I love you.” Cathy kisses Nathan’s lips in the water. Her arms wrap tightly around his neck, her legs hooked around his waist. She has no tattoos, her skin is so pale, nearly translucent, with faint purple veins visible beneath the surface. Her hair fans out, floating on the water.
A mermaid?
“Forever.” Water drips from Nathan’s wet hair into Cathy’s eyes. She breathes in the faint scent of sweet vanilla on his skin.

They spend a week together hiding outside the city. Cathy thinks she is Eve in the Garden of Eden now. The two little beasts wake up kissing each other, then fall back asleep in each other’s arms.
One day, someone abandons an old orange cotton six-seater sofa under the highway. With one corner missing a wheel, Nathan can’t carry it back to their tent. Still, Cathy jumps up and down on the sofa in delight until she tires out and takes a nap on it. People driving past will see a little human smiling in her sleep, but nobody notices her. Another day, Nathan picks some apples from the nearby woods and washes them in the stream. Cathy arranges the apple cores into the shape of a small fish she once felt while swimming- a tiny fish with wide eyes and a tail that flicks, blowing bubbles.
As they spend their days searching the dump for anything usable, Cathy’s only pair of jeans becomes stained with water and mud, the label nearly impossible to read. She guards her Belgian milk chocolate fiercely; no matter how much Nathan begs, she only allows them to share a small piece each day. The moment the sweetness touches their tongues, the chocolate melts instantly in their mouths.

The day comes when the last bite of Belgian milk chocolate has been eaten.
Nathan says he’s going to find food for them in the morning, but he never comes back at night.
At first, Cathy thinks he must be dead. He might have been murdered by a serial killer targeting teenage boys in the Midwest. He might have been hit by a passing van and the panicked driver dumped his body in the woods. He might have accidentally witnessed a drug deal and been shot by the gang. The image of Nathan lying in a pool of blood, his head broken, eyeballs falling out onto the road haunts Cathy. She wakes with tears streaming down her face.
Then Cathy begins to feel hungry. She misses the leftover hotdogs Nathan used to bring from the nearby gas station- the expired sausages covered in honey mustard, with someone’s dribble on them. She wants a delicious bite of McDonald’s nuggets and fries, the meal she used to get after school on Fridays. The thought makes her lick her finger. She even thinks of the taste of the pink icing from her birthday cake. It is her sister’s favorite.
At that birthday party, she wished to be loved forever.

On the third day after Nathan’s missing, Cathy feels she can’t bear to wait in the tent with moldy bread any longer. She sneaks back into her neighborhood- hiking across a few hills then taking the train. Arriving on the other side of the city, hiding behind a tree, she watches as Nathan walks out of the front gate of their high school, carrying a new dark green backpack. He is talking to his two boyfriends, laughing; his phone in one hand, and a blueberry donut in the other- as on any usual day. She follows him all the way to his home, putting the hood on her sweatshirt to avoid getting noticed. Through the living room window, she sees Nathan’s mom greet him with a hug, take his jacket, and offer him a biscuit. Then he sits down on the cotton sofa- exactly where they used to sit and watch a movie with chocolate popcorn on Sunday evenings.
Cathy is too angry to speak. She feels betrayed. Before she realizes it, she’s standing in front of her parents’ house. In the front yard, a huge poster saying MISSING GIRL and a photo of her in a pink sparkling dress from her birthday party are surrounded by flowers, cards, and candles. She picks up a card nestled by the pink roses. It reads, Cathy, come home. We love you. Below the message are signatures from all her teachers and classmates, along with a hand-drawn heart.
They must think I am dead now. They will miss me. Cathy feels happy about that.
Then, the urge to shower hits her. She hasn’t showered in a real bathroom for ten days. She can feel the grit of sand on her neck. She climbs through the bathroom window.
Cathy takes the longest shower of her life. She cranks the water to its hottest, thick white steam fills the room, blurring everything. She scrubs every inch of her body three times with her once-favorite lavender soap. By the time she’s done, her back is flushed with a faint red hue from the heat.
She steps out of the bathroom carefully, her hair still dripping. The house is silent- everyone must be at work or school. She pulls her dad’s XXL dark gray wool jacket from the closet and puts it on. It’s heavy and has five deep pockets. She stuffs each one to its limit: striped panties, the teddy bear from her grandma, her light orange lipstick, instant coffee, frozen mango, peach yogurt from the fridge, and a loaf of breakfast bread.
“OMG, Cassie!! Where have you been? I thought you were dead! The police are searching for you everywhere. Do you know Nathan is back?” Cathy turns around. Her younger sister stands on the stairs, wide-eyed, in her yellow pajamas. The Bestie mug in her hand falls on the floor, splashing hot chai tea everywhere. She has so much to say- she is almost screaming.
“Shhhh, sis……Don’t tell mom and dad you saw me. Goodbye.”

Cathy runs out of the house so quickly. She keeps running until she is back to her tent.
On the way, she makes out with a homeless man in exchange for a heater. Being fucked next to a dead cockroach, she doesn’t feel either sadness or joy. During the process, she only thinks about the scene in the upcoming winter- snow falling outside while she sleeps under the old blue blanket, beside the heater in the tent, warmly.
At night, Cathy goes swimming in the stream. Floating on the surface, naked. She feels the water brush her waist, her hair swaying with the gentle waves. A fish swims past her feet before disappearing below. Moonlight spills across one side of the stream, the Big Dipper continues to shine in the northern sky.
I am free now, she thinks, I can go anywhere tomorrow. I can go home tomorrow. I can go kill Nathan at school tomorrow. I can go to New York tomorrow. But I am not going anywhere. I will stay here, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, until I no longer want to.